The New Job

Lately I've been feeling unsettled. Nothing particular I could put my finger on. The clutter in my house has been driving me nuts. Little irritating noises having been bothering me more. The kids whining has been harder to deal with. But none of that was the real issue. I just new our family needed a change. I went so far as to start contemplating moving, but could never come up with a place I'd like to go to that was as good or better than where we're at right now. I'd started imagining the worst - maybe something horrible was in my future. It was all very pathetic and frustrating. All I knew is I wanted that feeling gone!!!

Wednesday John interviewed for a new job. A set schedule where he would be home nights and weekends almost guaranteed. No out of town travel. No middle of the night phone calls to come into work after having worked 24 hours straight already. He was a little concerned with the pay cut (no more overtime) but I was convinced we could do it. So starting June 6 I will get to have my husband back. I never really had him to begin with. It will be so nice to have him belong to me and not his employer. He'll even be working with Dad at DuPont for a while. We're both so excited and ready for this change to take place.

And, guess what? The feeling is gone!

The cycle of life

I've come to the realization that my life is a cycle of stress. It usually starts with me thinking that life is hard, too hard sometimes. It just seems like everything is hard. Its never easy. I take that back. I have easy moments but not easy hours or days or even weeks. It just seems like its always something. The kids get sick - all of them at the same time. For example last week, we had one that burnt his hands on the oven and got an enterovirus. Another had pneumonia and then caught the same virus. The other had an ear infection and sinus infection and also caught the virus. We have money problems - just can't get that budget right. Can't keep the house cleaned. DH is never home and when he is he's always exhausted. Is there or will there ever be a period of time in my life that's easy?

And it builds up over time and then things reach a breaking point and I explode. I cry. I yell. I eat chocolate and popcorn and ice cream. And then things start to calm down. I begin to think life isn't supposed to be easy. No one said it would or that it should be easy. Life isn't fair. It doesn't play by the rules. And then for a few weeks the hard parts don't seem so hard and I can deal with raising 3 kids, taking care of my father-in-law and managing a household almost all by myself. And then the cycle begins again. The hard stuff builds up and up.....

You get the picture. So where am I now? Its hard to say but I foresee lots of chocolate very, very soon.